I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
