Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
