You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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