you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
