I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
