What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
