At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
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her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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