I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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