Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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