if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
