that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
