Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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