she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
