In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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