Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
