At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
