Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
