You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
