My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
