I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
