my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
this is an emotional support booty call
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
