how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
