We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
