It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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