The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
