If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
