It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
