A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
