There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
