just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
