I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
