I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
