I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
