The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
either way he was missing a nipple.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
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I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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