He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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