He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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