You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
