Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
