NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella