you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.