I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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