I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
