i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"