I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
