somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
