Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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