He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
