he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
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it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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