so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Randomize
