I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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