I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
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Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020