I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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