if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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