I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
