She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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