if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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