Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
