This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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