rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
