I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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