btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
