ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
