you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just want nice things and good sex
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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