Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
