dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
