There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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