So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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