shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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