i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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